Picking petals off daisy heads

It is amazing, isn't it, how we can lie to ourselves. I don't think I can kid anyone else in to thinking something half as well as I think I can kid myself in to thinking that I think something that I don't really think. (If you can unravel that statement, you get a trophy.)
Thank goodness for friends who can point out the slightly important fact that you've driven off the rails a bit.

Fear is a wolf that often likes to hide itself under the sheep's coat of good taste or prudence. I think I need to surrender my ideas of what's good for me to God. Otherwise, I am going to continue living under the thin guise of being in control which will ultimately not only dishonor God, but make me unhappy too.

Okay, Lord, what ever you say. I'm ready and waiting, so let it hit me!
(Did you hear that Carrie? Pray hard!!) :)

Mood: contemplative (and I also have this urge to raise my right eyebrow at every opportunity)
Music: Party's Just Begun - Nelly Furtado

Here's a photo of me and a fellow choirmember, Sari, playing Celtic music on our holiday at the beach in Arisaig a few weeks ago.

Hey dudes!

I know that you all are ecstatic to hear this... you can now leave COMMENTS about my blog, and tell me what's going on with you. Please please leave comments--my bro created the comment links with the sweat of his brow (thank you Aaron!)

Just click on the word "comment" in white below the post you want to comment on.

Anyway, hope to hear from you all soon!

Here's a photo I took of my friend Louise's engagement bouquet! :)

Imagine huge gusts of wind... imagine driving rain... imagine pelting hail... imagine a muddy hill at a 60 degree angle... imagine wet socks (and pretty much everything else on your body)...

My brother Aaron is here visiting (!) and today among other things we went hill walking with Pete and Dave up Ben Leddy near Callander. It started out looking like an okay, typical Scottish-brooding-clouds sort of day, but went downhill (hah) from there. The view from halfway up (since we didn't make it to the top!) was great, and it was definitely exhilarating to be half-alive, half-icecicle! The best part, though, was after we'd gone back down and were sitting in a warm car eating the best ham sandwiches we'd ever tasted (I even liked the mayonnaise on my sandwich, and for those of you who know me well, you know I loathe mayonnaise!). It was actually pretty fun, but mostly in hindsight. :)

After stopping in a unique Scottish tea room in Callander on the way home (which incidentally was painted the most bizarre of minty lime green colors... the sign on the door said [and I quote], "RLStAURAVT") we got back to Edinburgh safe and sound. After Pete and Dave drove off, and Aaron and I were inside and shut the door, we both said "Aaaaaaaiiiggghhh!!" and doused ourselves in a cup or two of scalding hot tea to thaw out our extremities.

And now off to bed. :)

I like music from Train. There's something about it that reminds me of driving on Lookout Mountain after dark with good friends. It makes me think of Amalia!

I'm so glad that music does what it does... you can listen to a song or album years later and it can remind you of a specific time in your life, or even a specific day at times.

Cheryl Crowe reminds me of high school, Sugar Ray reminds me of community college, Norah Jones is of course inextricably linked to Loft. Eminem reminds me of Lindsey McChristian!

I wonder what music I listen to now that in a few years time will bring me back to today.

Release Your Inner Sasha!

According to a recent interview, although Beyonce Knowles does her best on stage to look like the vixen of 2004, she's 'not really like that' in real life, it's just that when she performs on stage, her super-confident alter ego (which she named Sasha) takes over.

Today my flatmate Broon (Mary) and I were fixing lunch and I made her laugh, and she let out this delirious cackle that seemed to come from the far reaches of the 5th dimension. Afterwards she said "I don't know where that crazy laugh came from!" and I told her "It must be your Sasha."

This is pretty handy.

Now whenever I feel like doing something outrageous, I can pass the buck to "Sasha" and not get in to trouble. Just think of all the mischief...
Come on, people, release your inner Sasha!

Mood: empowered!!!
Music: She's on Fire - Train

Last night was the Navigators main meeting to end off the spring term, so now we've got a month long break before the summer term starts.
I lead the meeting, which means I had to get up in front of 150 students and leaders of other ministries and actually TALK! It actually went pretty well, and I was only a speechless airhead for the first 10 seconds, which is good. :) Then I kicked myself in the behind [mentally] and said "pull it together sweetie" and everything was fine from there on out.
Thankfully I wasn't the one teaching; just transitioning from one section of the meeting to another and making announcements.
At one point Mark Stirling (the head of Edinburgh Navs) was introducing the new team for next year, and he had pictures on power point. Then a picture of a flower came up, and he said, "I don't have a picture of this person, but it's a rose... and it's yellow... can anyone guess who it is?" Nobody could, so this guy from Dallas said "it's the yellow rose of Texas!" (which signified me!) :)

This Thursday I'm going with the other interns to England for a conference and getting back on Sunday. Monday will be spent getting my flat in order because my brother Aaron is coming next Tuesday!! He will only be here until that Saturday :( but I can't wait to see him and introduce him to the Navs.
Gotta go now... it's noon and for some reason I'm still in my PJs... oops!

Mood: Happy!
Music: Girl from Ipanema - Stan Getz

So tonight I was walking to church and as I turned off Forest Road on to George VI bridge, I saw a man stumbling along against the wall. He had blood on his face and I wanted to stop and ask him if he was okay, but I was afraid that he was drunk and might flip out and grab me or something.
I walked a few more steps and realized my friend Paul was walking just behind me. I said hi and realized he'd noticed the weird guy too. We decided to go back together and see if he was okay, but as soon as we approached him, he leaned against the wall and slid down in to a heap and began whimpering. This other girl walked up and offered to call an ambulance, and while she did, he started choking.
Paul was checking there was nothing in the guy's mouth and getting ready to do CPR on him because he had passed out, and I didn't know what to do, so I just started praying. There was a crowd of people by then, mosly St. Columba's people on the way to church (that's my church).
After several points where he seemed to stop breathing, the ambulance arrived and the paramedics helped him inside.
The guy started crying and shaking and wanted Paul to ride with him, but the paramedic said there was no need, and that Paul should go have fun with his wife (me)!!
Needless to say it was a tad hard to focus on the sermon!
Music: Thank You - Bonnie Raitt
Mood: Wired!

Heeeeeey! Whaddaya think?
I was going to wait for this blog make-over until my big bro to came the week after next, but I am procrastinating on some reading, so I thought I would see how big of an ignoramus I could prove myself to be (I didn't think I could actually do this). I'm stopping now, though, and not doing anything else... If I tried too much more I'm sure this thing would blow up just because.
I don't know anything about computers, as evidenced by a previous entry (hate-prose to computers) but somehow I managed to figure out all of the computer text drabble and edit this "skin" to make it how I wanted it. :)
Look what comes of being bored... you start making friends with computers.
This is what the world is coming to!

Today is one of the most gorgeous Edinburgh days I've seen. The sky is really blue, and the sun is nice and warm. The days are finally getting a bit longer (we were having ~6 hour days for a while!) and warmer. I no longer have to employ every piece of clothing I own (at the same time) and a hot water bottle (even inside my flat) to stay warm! That's good, isn't it? :)

Last night I went after dinner with Tori and Rachel (2 girls in my small group) to see Pieces of April (the new movie with Katie Holmes). I highly recommend the film--it was really good! You could tell it was low-budget, but it was definitely not low-quality. The camera work was not slick and sleek like most Hollywood affairs; but there was hardly any music except ambient sound, and the acting was nicely underdone.
It was about this girl April (Katie Holmes), living with her boyfriend in NY, who was the black sheep of her family. She invites her fam over for Thanksgiving dinner, and they begrudgingly agree to go. The movie shows the emotional and culinary process April goes through to prepare for her family coming, and also follows the fam as they drive to NY. The mom is dying of breast cancer, the dad is trying to keep the family together, the grandma has alzheimer's, the brother is cool and provides comic relief, and the other daughter is Little Miss Perfect (GAGH!!!). It sort of sounds depressing, and it is a bit, but it's also really funny and surprising--not predictable or cheesy or cliche'd.

Speaking of depressing, here's a random thought...
When I walk down the street and see young teenagers in their teenaged getup, I always have really morbid thoughts for some reason. Especially if an underaged kid is smoking or drinking.
Why is that?
I can never help wondering what they will be like when they hit 30 or 40, and whether they will regret their chain-smoking, binge-drinking, and messing around in general. Or maybe it will have become such a way of life for them that they don't notice the crappiness of their lifestyle...
And whenever I see babies, I can only think about the fact that in another 80 years they will be in the same helpless state, needing others to care for them, but then people won't be cooing over them and saying how cute they are; they'll be embarrassed or uncomfortable or annoyed at having to care for someone else in such a way.
But I guess I'm forgetting that there's a whole lifetime in between the two.

Note to self: don't marry someone who has strong ideas about how things should be done in the kitchen.

Computers. So many feelings arise when that word is said or written.
Computers are like... to what other insidious, diabolical invention can I compare the odious objects? Computers are like (apologies to guy readers) bras.
You can't really go through life without them. People will think you are weird, stupid, and trying to make some sort of pointless statement for the sake of being pedantic and annoying.

They do, I suppose, have some good and helpful attributes, which I will not go in to.
And yet.
They are also irritating, restrictive, expensive, and they somehow know the times when you really need them to work well, and choose that very moment to manifest whatever annoying attribute you really don't want them to.

Who created them? What in the world made them think it was a good idea? These are questions to which we will never really have any helpful answers.

Anyway, I just needed to purge my ill-will toward computers, and it wasn't hard to think of some nasty things to say about bras as well.

If I Was a Blackbird

I am a young sailor, my story is sad
For once I was carefree and a bold sailor lad
I courted a lassie by night and by day
But now she has left me and gone far away

If I was a blackbird, could whistle and sing
I'd follow the vessel my true love sails in
And in the top rigging I would there build my nest
And flutter my wings o'er her lily-white breast

I sailed o'er the ocean, my fortune to seek
Though I missed her caress and her kiss on my cheek
I returned and I told her my love was still warm
But she turned away lightly and great was her scorn

If I was a blackbird, could whistle and sing
I'd follow the vessel my true love sails in
And in the top rigging I would there build my nest
And flutter my wings o'er her lily-white breast

Yes, I am still alive and on the face of the earth...
Well I just set my plane ticket to come home! I will be returning on July 17th. Yay! Only 4 1/2 months! That's not so terribly long now... sort of.
I also have put a plane ticket on hold to go to PRAGUE on the 29th of this month to see Meg Boutwell and Lyd Hitchman. I can't wait to go--not only is Prague reputedly the loveliest city in Europe, but it will be incredible to see some long-lost Lofters. (Loft is better than a sorority... you girls know what I mean!) :)

More about the weekend:
I rode up to Arisaig (about a 5 hour drive--it's on the coast North of Fort William) with Peter and Mirren, a dating couple in their late 30's (rough guess). They were really nice, but they were so mushy... get a room people!
We got to the cottage after driving through some of the most gorgeous Scottish countryside: the highlands! They were all covered in snow from the night before.
After everyone got settled, we sat down for a celtic music jam session. I brought my guitar, and there was another guitar, flute, fiddle, and bodhran (Celtic drum, pronounced bow-rawn or boran ). That was really fun, and the song I have stuck in my head right now was one that we played that night.
Alas and forsooth, the major Scottish recreational past time is drinking and pretty soon they were all smashed. This, I said to myself, is my queue to leave.
Another bizarre detail: the couple in the room next to mine were French lesbians!
The next morning we had a gigantic breakfast and then spent all day on the beach, climbing around on the rocks in the SNOW, enjoying the sun and one girl, Sari, even got in the water even though everyone else had at least ten layers of clothes on!
After the BBQ on the beach (we made a huge bonfire), we all returned to the cottage and collapsed. Thankfully they were all too tired to get as incredibly drunk as the night before (although I heard the next day that one guy drank so much he couldn't remember which person his girlfriend was or where he why he was there! You'd think after about 7 or 8 years of getting shattered every weekend, people would learn that it's not worth it!)
Anyway, we played some more music, and the next day after hanging out more on the beach and gathering shells, we came back to Edinburgh. On the way back I rode with this really sweet older couple who reminded me of Mimi and B-Daddy.

Not much going on this weekend... dinner with some girls from my group tomorrow night, and on Saturday Louise and Rhona are taking me to get my nose pierced (I have to have just as much moral support for #2 as for #1!). Then we're going out to lunch to console my poor nose. :) I'll bury it in an ice cream cone or something. I bet it would like that.

Current mood: sleepy and full of Dr. Pepper
Current music: If I Was a Blackbird

Went this weekend to da beach. It had snowed about 6 inches all over the coast, as well as the 3 islands you could see, a mile or two off the beach. The sky was blue and the sun was hot--it was like being in Lord of the Rings!
I will tell some of the more interesting moments later...

And by the way Aaron, who are we kidding? Your blog is much better than mine!!! :)
sis.